Feel the ‘need’ to date? TMU students reflect on relationship obsessions

Peer pressure and societal standards are making some students infatuated with love

By: Aliya Karimjee

A gift box with a rose and chocolate hearts.

( CanCulture/Aliya Karimjee)

As we make our landing in the season of love, single people often feel pressured to enter a relationship and conform to society’s expectations of partnership.

With the popularization of heteronormative nuclear-family relationship standards in media, there’s the misconception that you need a significant other to make you feel “complete and happy.”

Some TMU students and staff feel Valentine's Day is an expensive "trap."

Zorianna Zurba, a faculty member in TMU’s professional communications department with expertise in the philosophy of love, recognizes the pressure around finding love keeps people from building a community.

“Traditionally, we think of Valentine’s Day as romantic love and we don’t acknowledge the other forms of love that can exist,” said Zurba.

Because of this, she adds that some people often rely on one person to meet their emotional needs rather than focus on self-love or friendships.

Amulyaa Dwivedi, a first-year journalism student, explains that her friends peer pressure her to get a boyfriend, holding her back from her journey with self-love. The pressure surrounds her through acquaintances, family members and friends, she said.

As an international student, Dwivedi notes that the salient dating politic that asks us to prioritize romantic ventures above all else is more prominent in Canada—leaving her with a culture shock.

Despite these societal pressures, she tries to remember Miley Cyrus’s new song Flowers and the practice of self-love.

Black squares with lyrics from Miley Cyrus’ song and a confident woman with black sunglasses.

Miley Cyrus’ new song wall art advertising single women empowerment near this Valentine’s season. (CanCulture/Aliya Karimjee)

Dwivedi adds that Flowers “is like a self-love song and a good [addition] to Galentine’s Day.”

Galentine’s Day is typically referred to as a “girls’ night” or a day to spend with friends feeling empowered by celebrating self-love, friendship and the enduring love we derive from being in community with one another.

“I feel like there’s a stigma that being with someone [romantically] is better than being by yourself,” said Agnese Verrone, a third-year politics and governance student.

She said she prefers being with someone she likes enough romantically or her friends, rather than going on a date for the sake of companionship.

Anna-Giselle Funes-Eng, a first-year journalism student, is celebrating Galentine’s Day this year with an ABBA sing-along screening at the Ted Rogers Cinema.

She believes it’s important to celebrate her friends and herself on February 14th rather than have a negative outlook on this day.

“The standard of a relationship is so binary and exclusive. Anyone who doesn’t conform is expected to be sad, wallow… And that’s bullshit,” said Funes-Eng.

For those considered “lucky enough” to be dating, they reveal an equal amount of pressure to arrange a “picture-perfect” Valentine’s Day.

There are a lot of grand gestures seen on social media, “so it puts pressure on my boyfriend or me to do something big,” said first-year nursing student Kirat Sandahar.

Whether you are celebrating Galentine’s Day, Valentine’s Day or practicing self-love, it’s essential to recognize who our true soulmates are and the role community and self-love play in our lives.

Together apart: Exploring the reality of long-distance relationships

Take a deep dive into the actuality of being in a long-distance relationship and discover the secret to getting through it all

By: Sia Shete

a graphic with an illustration of two people listening to music while lying on their phones, illustrating a long-distance relationship

And in Life's noisiest hour,

There whispers still the ceaseless Love of Thee,

The heart's Self-solace and soliloquy.

The Presence of Love; Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

Being invested in a long-distance relationship translates to being homesick for a person, more so than anything else. It's odd really, how we simple human beings can feel an emotion so complex and so utterly deep as the love that drives us to go to lengths for one another. 

Sometimes the price you pay for wanting someone in your life is the distance. The pain, the nights lying awake cursing time and distance for standing in the way. 

You wish they lived just a few miles closer and wish even more so to have the power to be able to run down and throw your arms around them. Unfortunately, that's a luxury not every one of us can afford.

 Nonetheless, every day is a new chapter in the book. For too many long-distance lovers, distance is just like the grains of sand in an hourglass; waiting to run out. Although long-distance relationships are all about proving whether “your love for one another is stronger than the space between you,” there's more to it than what meets the eye.

Nurturing a long-distance relationship can be tricky and challenging but also rewarding at the same time. It isn't always about having the most perfect relationship—an illusory ideal that will look and be different for everyone— but about finding someone who will stick through the bad times just like they would the good times, by your side.

People don’t essentially go looking for a long-distance partner, the majority of them just happen to turn into one. A 2019 survey showed that 68 per cent of people had a “limit” for distance within the state lines or closer, opting to look for romantic relationships in proximity. 

It also showed that most couples that end up adapting to long-distance meet either on dating apps or sites. Another reason behind the birth of a long-distance relationship is either moving away to a new region and/or country for further education or work. There comes at least one point in a couple’s life when they have no other option but to lead lives away from one another for a specific period of time. Although this is inevitable in certain situations, some couples move borders just so they don't have to deal with the problem of “distance” altogether. 

Long-distance relationships, however, don’t have to be the worst-case scenario. But only those truly committed—to making a relationship work under tumultuous conditions, and to one another— can make it through.

For centuries, relationships had always contemplated distance. And during the 1800s and a part of the 1900s, there was no technology to keep partners connected over a video call, let alone a phone call. Letters were the sole medium of communication for weeks, even months and yet a good chunk of these relationships resulted in marriages and settling down with one another. Why this example you ask? If they could do it then, you can definitely pull through. But before we get into the “how” to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship, let’s take a look at the difference between trusting the process and knowing when to back out.

People are often confused between setting boundaries for themselves and sticking around for that “special someone.” Making it work in a long-distance relationship does not mean you sacrifice your mental peace, self-respect and stability. While it’s quite a feat to get through the rough patches and arguments in the absence of the other’s physical presence, it’s also important to know where to draw a line for yourself. Long-distance is certainly not for everybody. If it’s with the right person, it’s essential to know that they’ll never put you through a situation where you’re forced to sacrifice your peace. It’s important for you to establish who you are before you establish who “we” are.

Setting boundaries, increasing communication and your level of understanding becomes vital. Without communication, any relationship, especially long-distance ones, would cease to exist. Even the most seemingly mundane piece of information like what the sky looked like to you today or the small snail you passed by that brought a smile to your face needs to be communicated. If your corporeal selves can’t be connected, make sure your emotional selves are wholly attached.

Counseling Psychologist and life coach Pranjul Somani talks about how long-distance is not about “having time,” it's about “making time.” While sometimes it’s impossible to find time between busy schedules, it’s equally important to prioritize your partner and find some time for them during the day. And when that’s not doable, communicate that.  Let them know beforehand and update them about your day over a text if calling seems difficult. All you need to remember is it’s the same person you longed for, the same person you waited for, the same person you have fond memories with and that you do not want to let go. Choose them over the distance, fight for them and trust one another. no matter what.

Here are a few ideas that you can get to know your partner deeper (yes, over video calls!) and spend some quality time together this Valentine’s Day away from one another:

Play the “We’re not Really Strangers” card game: Couple’s Version!

The infamous Instagram page called “We’re Not Really Strangers” came up with a personal game just for couples to not just help you get closer to your loved one but also get to know them better as a person. With over three different levels of “intimacy,” this game will surely make your day a lot better, even though you are away from your valentine.

Hit the gym together

Yes! You heard that right. A virtual date at the gym. Workout together on this special day, hit the same muscle groups, coordinate your workouts and do some cardio (in the gym only please!) Who cares if people think it’s weird or too cheesy? Stretch your boundaries (and muscles!) for the person you love.

Send them hand-written letters via post

Too 1800s for you? Do it anyway. Handwritten letters are more personal and show that you care a lot more than you can verbally communicate. Take it up a notch and add a little bit of your scent on the piece of paper, some of their favorite candy in the envelope or something that’s personal to the two of you. 

Netflix and… sorry, just that

As much as we all would LOVE the option of “chilling” with our partners, maybe next time? Either get all romantic and watch Notting Hill, The Proposal and You’ve Got Mail or change the plantotally by binging some Tarantino flicks, it’s up to you. Grab some popcorn, make some desserts or order in. Either way bond with one another over a few couple movies on Teleparty!

Listen to your favorite music and have a dance party

Be it Apple Music or Spotify, make collaborative playlists together and add some of your songs or discover new songs together. Have one another on video call, stare at each other for hours, work while listening to the playlist or just talk, for hours. Music does half the magic. 

Remember that years from now the past will be a story. The pain you went through will seem worth it, the memories you made will sit framed on the fireplace, you’ll appreciate every second you spend together but most importantly, you’ll be reminded that you fell in love with a person for the little things. It’s not always about the physical touch. Although it sucked that you couldn’t hold their hand when you wanted to, or couldn't give them a hug when they needed it, you made it through space and time and that’s exactly why everything will seem worth so much more; in every universe and in every world, your love knows no bounds.

This V-Day, the stars are aligned

By: Lynette George

Can’t figure out what to do for Valentine’s Day this year? Are you scouring the internet, hunting for the perfect plan? Well, look no further! I have your back. Here’s a comprehensive list of potential date ideas based on the 12 widely contrasting zodiac signs.

ARIES

As the first astrological sign of the zodiac and the fieriest of them all, this Valentine’s Day is for the Aries in your life to let loose. Book a spot at your local rage room and let them have at it. With the perfect way to channel that good old Aries anger, this date will be fun, memorable and the perfect mid-week de-stresser. As the totally real, super famous quote goes, “Break plates, not hearts.” 

TAURUS

Not feeling ready for a kid? Or even a pet? Go out and adopt a plant together! No one loves the environment more than a Taurus so this couldn’t be more perfect. Head over to your local nursery, take a romantic stroll amongst all the greenery and surround yourself with nature. From little peperomias to giant spider plants, feel free to go as big or as small as your heart desires.

Note: Spend some quality time together after, naming the new addition to your life!

GEMINI

With an unrivaled affinity for contests and an almost painful need to win, the perfect date for a Gemini must involve some sort of competition. So this Valentine’s Day, stay inside for a little game night with all the classics - Monopoly, UNO, and Codenames! If you’re not up for the stress of putting it together, go out to a bar and join a community trivia night. Ensure they feel challenged and watch as they take on that winning glow!

CANCER

Cancers love a low-key, low-maintenance date above all else. They’re above fancy frills and instead, prefer to find happiness in the mundane. Give them just that! Set up an incredibly comfortable pillow fort at home, prop up your laptop and watch a movie or show you both love. Ensure you have some snacks ready to go and enjoy staying in together. It’s simple and easy to plan but with Cancers, a little effort goes a long way!

LEO

No one you know is as highly wound up as the Leo in your life. It’s a fact. If you’re shocked by it, you’re probably a Leo! For all the stress your fire sign shoulders each day, you need to ensure that the date you plan is the epitome of relaxation. For V-Day this year, I recommend a spa getaway to take away all that pressure. Feel the peace sink in and bask in the tranquility that follows!

Note: If you’re on a budget, you could head over to a student massage clinic instead!


VIRGO

Virgos love the limelight. They’re social beings with a love for elegance and grace. To top it off, they’re also just a tad bit basic (I’m a Virgo…I’m allowed to say that). So this time, ensure that they feel extra special with a classic dinner date that is just as fancy and luxurious as them! Whether it’s at a restaurant with tiny plates or at home with a scrumptious meal, put in that extra bit of planning and see the absolute joy on their face!

LIBRA

With a strong intellect and a love for learning, the perfect date for a Libra would have to widen their horizons. The stagnancy of a sit-down movie night would simply fail to tickle their fancy! So for Libras, I recommend spending your V-Day at a museum or art gallery around town. This date would result in amazing photos and some phenomenal memories. More importantly, hand-in-hand, you can explore the past as you cement your future! 

SCORPIO

Let’s be honest: all Scorpios are at least a little bit witchy and supernatural on the inside. It’s unique, fun and only a tad bit creepy (I mean this in the most flattering of ways so don’t hex me). So why look elsewhere for date ideas? I say that you should fully lean into it! Find a local metaphysical store, go shopping for healing crystals together and book a tarot card reading. Watch as the sorcery unfolds and have the experience of a lifetime!

SAGITTARIUS

A thrill-seeker through and through, a Sagittarius will not stand for a date that isn’t as energetic as they are! So for this one, I recommend multiple parts to your date night! Plan a scavenger hunt with stops around the city that are meaningful to your relationship. Schedule breaks in between to drop by eclectic cafes or clubs even! Ensure they’re discovering new spots and you have yourself the perfect Saggi date night!

CAPRICORN

It’s midterm season and Capricorns aren’t here to mess around. There’s no world in which they’re stepping out to do anything around this time. Want to find a way to have a Valentine’s Day plan that they’ll actually show up to? A cute study date is the way to go! Get all their favorite snacks, a nice warm drink, along with a pack of their favorite highlighters and enjoy each other's company. 

AQUARIUS

For your innovative, eccentric and rebellious Aquarius, a laid-back approach might be the way to go! This Valentine’s Day, set up the supplies and spend the day painting canvases, cloth bags, vases and more. Crack open a bottle of wine or sparkling cider and you have the most chill date night an Aquarius could ask for. Work on projects separately but come together to create a few pieces as a couple. With no boundaries at all, let your creativity run wild.


PISCES

Ever wondered which zodiac sign was most likely to be a saint? Yeah, it’s Pisces. They’re kind, gentle, compassionate and generous beyond comparison. The soothing water sign loves to help out in any way, so combine it all and head over to a local pet shelter! Volunteer with some amazing little animals and spend your day working for a good cause. Find happiness in the pure joy that is a pet and have the most memorable date together!

Note: If you feel like you found what you’ve been looking for, adopt a pet!

To all the singles, keep your head up this Valentine’s Day

Is anticipating the upcoming doom of Valentine’s Day leaving you extra sad and lonely? We’ve got some remedies for your woes

By: Yanika Saluja

(Sama Nemat Allah/CanCulture)

The new year is not usually great for us singles, especially by the time the dreaded month of February comes around. Our “self-growth” and “focusing on ourselves” resolutions are not even enacted until Valentine’s Day comes to haunt us. I mean, who wants to see their social media flooded with couples who are going out of their way to tell their partner how much they love them (I’m secretly crying inside as I ponder)? 

Every partner-less person handles Valentine’s Day differently. Some might love being single and thank God that they can focus on finishing their assignment when others are out spending money. Some might wish they had someone to celebrate the love-struck day with them, but, with a sigh of acceptance, move about their day. And some people might be like me, screaming into pillows to sounds of.

Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) students have their own opinions on being single this Feb. 14.

Eisha Mueed, a second-year student at TMU, feels great about being single on Valentine’s Day because for her, it’s a choice.

“I think it’s how you look at it; yeah, it’s great when you have two people who have an allocated day where they celebrate love, but it should be more normalized to [celebrate] life every day,” said Mueed.

While we often associate solitude during Valentine’s day with a hatred for all things amour, some, like TMU student Virgil Andre,  simply like seeing love in the air.. He feels really happy for his friends in relationships and is glad that they found someone who understands them during a time as difficult as our adolescent years.

“I think love is a beautiful thing you can see in people,” said Andre.

“Every single person, from the guy you’re working with to a woman you’re seeing on the train ride home to a teenager you see at a grocery store; everyone has someone in mind that they love. And it is nice that on a day filled with love, you get to see love everywhere.”

For TMU journalism student Kyana Alvarez, some single people still manage to enjoy Valentine’s Day.

“I think even if you are single, you can enjoy the holiday as it depends on the type of person. So yeah, I know some of my single friends who like to celebrate Valentine’s in a different way than just romantic love,” said Alvarez

And it is nice that on a day filled with love, you get to see love everywhere.

To all my lovely singles out there who don’t want to spend this day of love moping around waiting for their soulmate to climb through their window like Marcus Baker, I got you covered.

Go on a shopping spree

I believe this is the perfect way to spend Valentine’s Day. Instead of spending money on your partner, spend it on yourself. Pamper yourself. Buy the most random things you’ve always wanted. Discover new stores and go thrifting. Who doesn’t love treasure hunting?

Do something spontaneous

If I went this route, my first stop would be a tattoo shop and then getting scolded by my parents would be tomorrow's problem. Point being, go out and be rebellious. If you wanted that purple hair colour, now is the time my friend. You wanted that piercing? Go and get two of them. Let yourself free and enjoy that adrenaline.

Go on a solo date

Okay, now I know it sounds like something a loner with no friends would do but trust me it’s so much more than that. I prefer dates with myself where I can get a cup of coffee and read my book or watch Netflix to force myself to do something I don’t want with someone else. So, pick out the restaurant or café or even a park you always wanted to go to and don’t wait for someone to take you there. Dress up in your best clothes, and fly solo. Learn to be comfortable with yourself and your company.

Buy yourself flowers

If you have heard the song Flowers by Miley Cyrus, you know what I mean. Now I am sure you must have all wondered what it felt like to get flowers from someone. Even though flowers can be super cliché, but in some sense, it is kind of cute when you get them. You know the best part about flower shops? You don’t need a second person to buy them for you. Pick out the most extraordinary flowers that you see and tap that credit card. You deserve it.

Beat your friends at bowling

Go on a group date with your friends to a bowling alley and show off those skills that say “I might be single, but I can still strike.” Go out and have a fun day with your friends and then go have a nice dinner with everyone or watch a movie together.

To my single, but totally amazing humans out there, try not to be gloomy or feel disheartened if you haven’t found love yet. It will come to you when it’s meant to. Until then, enjoy and cherish the time you have with yourself. So, take a second and wish yourself a very happy Valentine’s day.

Things to do in Toronto for Valentine's Day

By Tina Makuto

Regardless of what your ideal Valentine’s Day looks like, Toronto is a large city and there are a number of activities to get up to — no matter your relationship status. If you’ve been in a bit of a panic trying to figure out what to get up to this coming Valentine’s Day, worry no more.

If you want something classic and romantic…

For the couples: Ripley’s Aquarium “Deep Sea Soiree”

Photo: Shelby Taryn via ripleysaquaca on Instagram

On Feb. 14th, Ripley’s Aquarium will be opening its doors after hours from 8 p.m. to 12 a.m. and invites you and yours for a romantic dinner. 

The event is 19+ and ticket sales are online through the Ripley’s Aquarium website. They are priced at $60+HST per person. This includes food and access to the venue. With a cash bar, live local music and a variety of food options who would want to pass up this experience?

For the singles: Wine and Chocolate Night

To all the wine sommeliers out there, New World Wine Tours and Sapori, invite you to a wine and chocolate night. Yeah, you read that right — a wine and chocolate night. On Feb 14th, join them at 1588 Dundas Street West for a night of tasting five different types of wines paired with unique chocolate dishes. 

The event is 19+ and tickets are sold online, message a friend and get out on February 14th for some chocolate and wine!

If you want something fun and exciting… 

For the couples and singles: ROM After Dark 

Photo: graymattervisuals via romtoronto on Instagram

The Royal Ontario Museum (ROM), has decided to open its doors after dark for an exciting, new event. The event runs from 7 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. and will showcase curated music, visual arts and immersive experiences. 

A student ticket costs $30.12, and includes entry to the event along with one complimentary food or drink item. Get your bae or bestie and go enjoy some art!

If you want something budget friendly…

For the couples: Toronto Light Festival

Photo: Nicholas Wong (atallasianguy) via tolightfest on Instagram

The Toronto Light Festival at the Distillery District is a visual event displaying different artists from around the world and their light-work. 

If you’re on a bit of a budget this V-day, don't fret! Toronto Light Festival is free and it’s sure to impress whoever you’re bringing. So message your partner — I’d recommend incorporating some lightbulb emojis — and bring them along for a night of views.

For the singles: Treat Yo’self!

Nothing beats the most classic, simple and easy to do V-Day tradition, treating yourself! Get some chocolate, invite your friends over, bake some cookies, order a heart-shaped pizza, watch some cheesy romantic comedies (check out this list of rom-coms you can find on Netflix Canada) and just relax. 

If you want to go all out… 

For the couples: Helicopter Tour Around Toronto

Photo: helitours on Instagram

If you’re looking for something exceptionally special (and expensive), to woo your date this V-day, you’re in luck. Helitours Toronto is offering 7-minute tours of this lovely city at the sweet price of $279 per couple. Tickets can be bought online and on Feb 14th there are available time slots from 12 p.m. to 3:47 p.m. 

For the singles and couples: Valentines Day Dinner & Ball

If you and your friends are looking for something incredibly extra to get up to this Valentine’s Day, this is the event for you. The Guild Inn Estate is hosting a Valentine’s Day Ball, which includes dinner, dancing and all the fun you could ever want out of Valentine’s Day. 

Ticket sales are completely online and are priced at $79.04 for general admission. The event is all ages and open to singles and couples alike. Get dressed up in your most appropriate ball attire and have fun!