I had to learn the hard way that love should not be unconditional.
An honourable notion
But one that is dishonest
The way that I love is through devotion
I will spend day after day running my fingers through the knots of your hair and awakening early to place honey and bread at your feet and I will clutch your hand and kiss at your flesh in attempts to soothe when your eyes are wet
I will devote my flesh, time, blood, bones and anything you’d wish from me all that I pray is that you ask me to
All that I pray is that you desire me to
recognize my yearning to love you, to need you, to want you, to take you
But love without conditions is one that neglects the self
It is one that leaves the giver with empty hands and tired knuckles
One that gives and gives and gives but the reciprocation can never be of equal footing
Not when I deify you into a god and lie on my knees before you
Worshipping and praying in a manner that many would argue is unbecoming
But devotion has made me reckless and simultaneously weak
Weak knees, weak ankles and weakened restraints
and by placing you so high it leaves you in no other position but to look down at me
And that is not the way that I desire to be looked at by any lover.