The definitive don’ts of subterranean dining: Food not fit for the TTC

In a post-French Toast Guy Toronto, what foods should we not choo-choose to eat while commuting?

By Anna-Giselle Funes-Eng

a photograph of a subway station with people standing in front of the entrances

Feeling snackish at Dundas station, a TMU student drinks pop while waiting for the train. (Anna-Giselle Funes-Eng/CanCulture)

The results from hell are in, and the hottest Toronto dining location is officially the subway platform of Bathurst Station (westbound, specifically) and the northbound Line 1 University train! That is if you are French Toast Guy, a man who dined on the TTC complete with a small table and bib napkin last week. 

The Toronto phenomenon, now outed as a corporate marketing ploy by Wendy’s Canada to promote their new french toast sticks, compels us to look within ourselves and ask: are there really foods I shouldn’t be eating whilst riding the rocket? And the answer is a definitive, solemn yes. 

But not to worry, snackish commuters! I have all the answers. Here is a comprehensive guide to what foods should simply not be eaten on the subway.

A Hong Kong-style lobster tower

A three-foot mound of fried lobster may seem like a good travel snack in theory, but eating your body weight in seafood is often better left for above-ground settings. 

A fully set 1950’s style jello salad

a photograph of a lower half of a body wearing a pink shirt and holding a knife and folk in their hands as a plate red jello sits in front of them on the table they're seated at

(cottonbro studios/Pexels)

This jiggly snack might not fare well in the stop-and-go jolts of the train and will absolutely end up in a mushy pile on the ground. Either let the jello salad die to history, or leave it to be enjoyed at your grandparents' house while you defend your identity at the dinner table. 

A roasted one-eyed pigeon on a stick

a photograph of a pigeon

(Anita awasthi/pexels)

In my experience, any stray pigeons who have made their way onto the train may find it to be grotesque and descend upon you in a murderous squawking cacophony. There is plenty of time to eat pigeons outside of your commute.

A ten-foot-long loaded Subway sandwich

(Rajesh TP/Pexels)

Even if you think it will, it won’t fit in your tote bag. An upside to this one, though, is that your friends can use the trail of shredded lettuce you leave behind to locate you should you become lost in the PATH. 

Todd A. Penegor, Wendy’s CEO

a grey scale image of a sculpture of a white man with a translucent image of a hammer and sickle in the background

(Steve Harvey/Pexels)

Feast off the man who got rich feasting off stolen wages from minimum-wage workers! Not quite a subway snack – but there is nothing tastier than wealth-hoarding white men disproving the myth of meritocracy.

 A 40lb tub of freezer-burnt ice cream

a photograph of a tub of ice cream in a freezer

(Dev Benjamin/Unsplash)

Wouldn’t eating straight out of a bulk-sized tub of cookie dough ice cream taste better while cry-watching Love, Actually with your friends? Plus, depending on the length of your commute, there’s a heightened risk of ice cream soupation.

Hopefully these guidelines will keep you out of both jail and the TTC no-ride list! Stick to ‘em, and you’ll be riding the underground rocket with perfect dining etiquette in no time.

We roast your personality based on one of three Tim Hortons drinks

No, you aren’t legally Canadian if you choose Starbucks over Tims, so just skip this article in that case.

By: Jennifer Nguyen

(Erik Mclean/Unsplash)

O, Canada. Practically everybody across our country loves some Tims goodness: doesn’t a double-double every workday morning sound heavenly? 

Wait — you don’t like that? Sorry to exaggerate, but what kind of Canadian are you then?!? 

Actually, let us at CanCulture show you. Go ahead and choose from one of these three absolutely random drinks: iced capp, dark roast coffee or unsweetened brewed iced tea. Then sit back and prepare to feel very seen by our psychic crystal ball.

Iced Capp

You think you chose the iced capp life, but truth is, the iced capp life chose you. It’s a little basic, yes, but aren’t you too? We feel like you’re a happy-go-lucky and friendly person that’s popular in your circle. Though, the phrase “easy come, easy go” could apply, don’t you think? You also stand a good chance of owning a small white dog. If you’re over 27, then you’re a certified kid at heart — seriously, try coffee sometime. You can’t ask for added mocha whenever your friends judge you for not being able to hold caffeine forever.

Dark roast coffee

We could say you’re one predictable individual, but that’s what makes you so trusted. You like having your agenda and bullet journal in your black bag. But you’re also to be feared, lowkey. Like, not even a double-double or an americano will do? Because if you’re into dark roast, your wallet will thank you for just starting to make it at home. Unless there’s magic in the water at Tims, then we won’t judge. We really don’t want to mess with you. Maybe you can take our advice and take yourself less seriously sometimes. Then you’ll see how fun it could be to just live and let live. 

Unsweetened brewed iced tea

Oh, you’re DIFFERENT. That’s why you go with one of the few zero-calorie items on the menu. Plus, a tea — iced yet sugar-free — at Tim Hortons, which is famous for coffee… are you like British with a twist, then? Either way, you like floating your own boat like that. If you have godsent willpower like we’re sensing, we hope you allow yourself some guilty-pleasure sugar every once in a while. It’s okay to like regular sweetened iced tea like the rest of us. We promise it won’t make you any less cool!